organicchurch.com

'OK, so lately there\'s been a lot of hubbub about my supposed views on tithing, but very few people have even heard me through on it. So here\'s my personal beliefs on tithing.

Ok... so here's the lyrics to a new song I wrote not too long ago... Kinda about some of the stuff I've been going through the last few months... but also about how God is our comfort when we feel alone. Sometimes people say things to us, and then the meanie in red jammies keeps reminding us of the condemnation or unfriendly words and tries to beat us up with them.

But God speaks encouragement to us always. He's on our side. Even when we return from spending all he's given us on hookers and beer, he runs to us on the road, kills the fattened calf, and welcomes us back.

So I had a talk to day with a friend who I have a hard time getting along in conversation with. When we talk- even in the context of a bible study- my friend feels like \"the conversation goes 'round and 'round'\" and there's \"no closure,\" and I feel frustrated when I feel like there's a cork on the top of the proverbial lantern and the theological wonder-genie is stuck inside.

I fear my own answers where I think I've exhausted the search for God's wisdom on an issue.

I just read this article, and it made me think about stuff...

Hey gang... It's been a while. I'm still having a bit of a hard time dealing with my divorce and what led up to it. I've lost a lot of my idealism, but through the suffering, I've grown a lot. It's still hard sometimes- but most of the time I am glad to experience the betrayal, the hurt, and the sadness that I did. If you look back at some of the last few posts, I asked to share in christ's sufferings. That was brave. Dumb, and brave. So I got to. I experienced betrayal like he did with Judas. I experienced a feeling like God had forsaken me.

Hrmph.. OC.com is slowly and feebly rising from the ashes, but it's been 1) no fun and 2) frustrating!! Apparently I didn't have a backup of 2 of the more popular articles written near the end- Women in Ministry and Tithing...

Anyone out there still checking the site have a copy by any chance that you emailed to a friend that you can dig out of your outbox???

GRRR... I don't even think I have the research on those (rather lengthy) articles anymore... I really dug in for both!

I have so much to write... and I'm still growing and learning from the suffering I've been blessed with over the last 3 years. My life as I knew it was crushed and mangled by the one person I loved and trusted most. I[ve been given an opportunity to love my own Judas. But it cost me the life I had- all the securities, the safety-nets, and the things I held most dear. It makes me think a lot about the other things I hold on to... Things I am afraid of letting go of.

But here's the real truth I learned... The things that we think we are holding on to are actually holding on to us. We think we're in control- but in actuality, we are being controlled by what we're holding on to. The things we think we posess are usually posessing us.To quote Bill Malonee from Vigilates of Love: "I thought these chains were jewlery."

What about you? Is that a diamond tennis bracelet or handcuffs?

Yup... Organicchurch.com is back. I have all the old articles, but they're kinda bonked because the other CMS I was using was kinda weird... But I'll get them back up soon... Or maybe not so you can enjoy them slowly (I know some are hard to swallow.)

Future plans??? I have no idea- other than OC live starting again in Palm Beach, FL. "Beer and Bibles" is the name on tap... :-)

Keep posted. Sorry it's been so long. It's been a very challenging couple years. More later. Read on for possible spoilers for the next installment of OC.com...

I was asked recently to examine "why the love of Jesus can't be seen in me." I was told that I didn't inspire this person "at all" and that my life looked like it was in "turmoil." I was told that if a non-christian looked at my life, they wouldn't want what I had. I was told to think hard about all that was said to me.

So I did. I thought, prayed, and meditated about all of this. I've been bothered by some of these questions for the last 3 weeks and have had a lot of time to reflect on my own sin and attitude. And of course, with any deep introspection, I found areas where God wanted me to fix things, but I've also found His grace in it all. I've also had the opportunity to be away from home a while among people who don't know me at all, and the sentiments seemed to be totally the reverse of what my friend told me; that they were encouraged by my generosity to strangers or that I made them feel really relaxed or appreciated. Some told me that they wished they could have the same positive outlook and attitude on life. (Of course, I felt obligated to tell them thatif they knew me better, they might have a different opinion...)

And a couple days ago, I was at Starbucks, and I was kinda just sitting by myself reflecting on all of this and asking God why my friend said he/she can't see His love in my life. I seem to generate 2 reactions- people are either really encouraged or really bothered by me: The kids at my school voted me "Most Encouraging Teacher" on campus, and my friend said the love of Jesus can't even be seen in me. Seems like not only two different reactions, but almost opposite reactions.

As I was thinking about this I totally believe God spoke to me. It was as clear as I've ever heard Him before... so He either spoke to me that day or I've never heard His voice.

I felt like God wispered into my soul and said, "Jesus generated the same 2 reactions. Sometimes when people say they don't see the love of Jesus in you, it's because they don't know what it looks like. Many people didn't see the love of Jesus in Jesus, either. Don't give up, sometimes you'll share in my suffering. I said I came not to bring peace but division. Now you know what that means... Pick up your cross and follow me."

So I was watching this show on TV where this group of women are all living together in this house and trying to change their lives. They each had a counselor, and they lived together in this house and tried to work on their problems individually and as a group (I know, it was bad reality TV about counseling- I admit I watched it). The show I watched was about a girl who used to be a stripper and was trying to change her life. Her counselor said her problem was that she was a "hustler," and that she "hustles" people all the time to manipulate them into giving her what she wanted. That's pretty much the job description for a stripper- make a man feel like he's special to you so he tips well. So she had some old habits she had to change to break that mold.

So on this show the counselor gave her a challenge. She had two fishbowls. One had a small pile of poker chips in it. The other one was empty. The goal was for the girl to do nice things for her roommates- to help them any way she could without expectation of repayment. When she did an unselfish act, she could move a chip from one bowl to the other. Her goal was to move all the chips by the end of the day.

One of the other girls in the house (who was her roomate and counseling "partner") sensed that the hustler girl wasn't really sincere in wanting to help, and kind of resented it. So she really resisted letting the girl help- which made the girl get pushy about helping and frustrated when she wasn't allowed to help. Tensions between the two steadily rose and of course there was a lot of drama and the counselors got involved and there was this big group session where everyone talked about it. Hustler girl got a little correction and a little group encouragement and now it was the group's turn to take a huge pile of chips, and move it from bowl to bowl for her when she did something that was nice or helpful or selfless.

But at the end of the session, hustler girl was still broken. She was crying and sad and felt like crap. Then her roommate came up and talked to her one on one. Hustler girl said she still didn't feel like she knew what to do or how to act. Roomate girl said that it was OK, and that old habits are hard to break and that she would be her friend and help her; but she has to be honest about her feelings and motivations because people can smell fake a mile away. Hustler girl was still crying and didn't know what to do, but I sensed that she at least didn't feel alone or broken. I sensed that she received from her roomate a sense of belonging and an understanding about what it means not to want to hustle someone, rather than simply not to hustle them.

Like you, I'm sure, all this made me think of ecclesiology.